Sometimes I feel like my life is a bad country song.

I've been a little down about my lack of employment. Last night I went back to my alma mater to watch the concert choir perform their sacred concert. It was awesome. Watching that and talking to my old choir director made  me heart ache. I miss teaching so so much. I've been feeling really down about not working. I'm signed up to substitute teach in 13 school districts and I've only worked 2 half days and 2 whole days since school started in August. I've applied to all the stores in the mall and Meijers and I can't even get an interview for a minimum wage job. I still have 17k in students loans to pay back and I can't get a job. The plan is to start my masters (which I have to get in order to keep my teaching license) in Speech Pathology, but the program doesn't start until Jan 2011. So I'm in a holding pattern indefinately - at least until this summer when schools start hiring again. I feel so whiney and I know I should be grateful Devin has a job and we can use our savings to cover some of our bills. Devin and I talked about moving to a bigger city an hour away that would still be drivable to his job, but decided against it. We can't justify paying double the rent for "maybe more subbing" or a part time minimum wage job. We are moving in the summer anyway - not sure where yet, even if Devin has to keep the job he has now, we will be moving. I know things will get better, because they can't get much worse. Halloween is over and I know Thanksgiving is coming up but we're really looking forward to Christmas. It is our favorite season, I've even started listening to Christmas songs on my ipod. I'm a dork I know : )

Dear God,
Let me lean on you in our time of need. I know that there are many people in more dire circumstances than I am. Help me keep my needs in perspective during trying times. I know you will provide for all of our needs, physical and spiritual. Lord stay with me and help me to see the positive in all situations.
Amen

I feel like I could be a dealer with all the pills I have right now.

My poor doggy, Scout has epilepsy :(  He's had some seizures so now he has to take 2 pills a day in the hopes that it can be controlled. I'm glad that his pills are in a blue bottle so I don't accidently take them with my 5 million pills a day. Right now I'm on synthroid, Metformin x3 (down from x5) PNV, Provera, Amoxicilin x2 (ear/throat infection), and ear drops x3 (ear infection). Can't wait for AF to get here to start many tests and more crazy meds. I never dreamed it would be this hard to get pregnant. We've been trying for 18 months. Although I am hopeful and pray everyday, there is no garuntee that we will ever get pregnant. I am annovulatory because of my PCOS. I am putting my faith in my doctor that he will prescribe me medication that will correct this. This journey already seems like it has taken so long; three doctors, bloodwork, medication that makes you almost unbarably sick everyday, medication that gives you mood swings and driving 2+ hrs one way to the doctor. More coming attractions I can look forward to next month: HSG(a test where dye is injected into the uterus to check for blockages in the fallopian tubes, more bloodwork, possible ultrasoud and more medication with side effects.

Dear Lord,
Please grant me patience. You know in my heart how badly I want a child. Comfort me when I am frustrated hearing about others' pregnancies and new babies. I know you have a plan for me and it will unfold itself in your time, not mine. I trust in you God that because of our trials now, we will cherish every moment of pregnancy and parenthood.
In Your Name I Pray,
Amen.